The mind is in control of the body. The child learns the basics of body management when he begins to walk and go potty. Then control requirements become more sophisticated- you must learn to restrain your discontent to not displease your parents. Every year the area subject to control expands because new energies add up, such as the energy of sexual arousal; besides, desires multiply, which often cannot be given free rein. One's freedom of expression is restricted to a greater or lesser degree. In severe cases, upbringing creates so many internal bans that a person lives in a habitual and constant control of desires and emotions, suppressing everything that contradicts the prohibitions learned during upbringing.
Excessive self-control is harmful to the psyche and general health. When one starts to work on oneself, one runs into this control as if into a concrete wall that blocks the way for the suppressed energies, preventing them from manifesting themselves and dissipating. And, seeking a way out, one suddenly discovers fear of oneself as a foolish, inept, and unpredictable creature. Or, to put it differently, one begins to feel the fear planted in him by his parents, who would tell him relentlessly: You will break; You will lose; You will screw up; You will end up as an alcoholic and a drug addict. This indoctrination firmly imbibed in the child's mind creates insecurity which then grows into fear of their manifestations, asserting that all your feelings and desires will get you nowhere and you are indeed a danger to yourself.
You will not be able to remove control until you eliminate that fear. Fear blocks the access to cancellation of a long-standing decision to forbid yourself to be angry, sad, wish "bad things," and more. Fear sits there like a barn door lock on the door which won't let those inhibitions out. Therefore, any work on self-control must begin with discovering the fear of self, how fear penetrates your personality, and identifying the areas where fear restricts your ability to act. The next step is to allow this fear to unfold so you can feel it directly and distinctly. Then, if successful, move further and practice contemplation of a specific fear and the associated memories, which helps with the conscious dissipation of its energy and the healing of childhood traumas. This work requires persistence and perseverance and, if met, yields good results.
For those of you who fail to sense the fear of self, let me tell you this: When I was a child, it seemed to me that the phrase "blessed are those who believe" reflected the foolishness of believers. Now I realize that the true believer experiences bliss when he performs his practices. And so, I share below a simple and effective solution with true believers.
Strike the pose in which you usually pray. Direct your attention to your belly, and take three deep belly breaths, feeling them with all your attention. Then begin to pray for being freed from the fear of self; or any other fear. Pray for deliverance from it.
Pray that the space in your belly may be cleared, that your belly may relax, and that the muscle tension caused by fear and the coldness of fear itself may flow out, disappear, and let go. Then take three breaths, look into your mind, and pray for cleansing the mind from fear.
Then open yourself to God and let Him cleanse you. The energy will come in, don't resist it; let it change your state. Do this practice as many times as necessary until you feel that the fear you are working with is gone.
That will help you to become more mature, as fear of self is a child's fear. Further down the road, you'll be able to deal with the problem of excessive control as well.
No matter how strange it may seem to you from the outside, the Path to God leads not to imaginary enslavement but to more and more freedom. The elimination of excessive self-control allows one to gain the first experience and sense the taste of such freedom.