In fact, one of the main results of awareness is changes in the man’s being. Unprejudiced observation opens up the cover of illusions about yourself by baring the reality and all the unsolved inner problems.
The one who wants to get in must be ready for unpleasant revelations. The illusions created by the mind are strong, and it is painful to get rid of them. Ego does its best to hide all the existing controversies and sugar-coat itself so discovery of another truth about its state makes it suffer and ruins the foundation on which it tries to stand. That is why the people tortured by their unconscious state striving for peace and quiet rather than bliss cannot even imagine how useful conscious suffering is.
The desire to get rid of pain turns man into a slave: he becomes an eternal hostage of this fear and gets eternally hooked by all the types of defenses and painkillers. For this reason, the one trying to avoid pain cannot get aware because this desire itself makes him flee into unconsciousness and dreams. He does not want to wake up, he wants to sleep deeper.
Approximately the same things happens to those who are suffering from the feeling of inferiority and doing their best to conceal and adorn this inferiority. This inferiority, which is quite fictitious, results from the infusion made by kind people in the childhood, but the attempts to compensate for it themselves make it real. So, when man has been sugar-coating himself and compensating with great difficulty, it is very hard to oppose the life’s work and start getting rid of illusions. It does not matter that these illusions are negative in his case (belief in his inferiority and deformity); man is still afraid of his reality and does not dare open it up for himself.
However, it does not mean for sure that people suffering from such problems are unable to reach the high levels of awareness. However, the initial period of work with their attention can be a bit longer. Of course, the precondition for the subsequent success must be identification and acceptance of the existing problem. That is why I suggest that you should look at yourself sincerely now and try to understand:
1. How much you are afraid of pain (physical and emotional one etc.).
2. How much you want to prove to the world that you are smart, brave and charming, i.e. that you are not deformed.
You should work with your fear by means of a passive technique of observation of fear and concurrent development of patience and will. In the beginning, the feeling of your worthlessness and inferiority needs a sort of compensation, i.e. elements of self-fulfillment in external work, sports and hobbies. When the man’s state gets relatively balanced, he can start exerting awareness efforts rather than just dreaming about it. Unfortunately, the experience shows that any external self-fulfillment and success are necessary when there is a strong feeling of inferiority and unworthiness. It makes man confident of himself, which is important in self-development. Those trying to get aware of themselves without it are trapped by continuously comparing themselves with the enlightened, the saint and their companions in the Seeking, if any. Such comparison results in irritation, disappointment and self-pity; moreover, the self-affirmation need will entail lies to yourself and surrounding people as well as fits of ostentatious and inappropriate conduct.